First-time moms get a lot of information about breastfeeding these days but only some of it is helpful. While the Internet age has made moms more educated than ever before about the benefits of breastfeeding, it hasn’t stopped them from getting misinformation and unhelpful advice from other people (including their own moms!)
Two pieces of misinformation that almost derailed the successful breastfeeding of my two boys were: “it doesn’t hurt if you’re doing it right” or “it comes naturally”. For me, neither of these things were true.
Getting the right latch did hurt (at first) and why wouldn’t it? After all, baby is sucking on your nipple! This “advice” really undermined my confidence when I was breastfeeding my oldest son Malcolm. Because I was experiencing some significant discomfort, I kept second guessing myself. “It hurts, so I must not have the latch right.” I would think. Then I would try again, and again and again. This left the baby and me pretty frustrated.
Granted I did have some actual problems with latching at first. Malcolm was born by c-section and as a result, he was slow to nurse. I was also feeling very compromised after the surgery. I had envisioned natural home birth so a c-section was a pretty big departure from my original plan.
I just kept thinking that since everything else went wrong, breastfeeding just had to go right. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and even though my midwife Heather was there to help me, it was almost like I couldn’t hear her advice through my mental fog. I think she told me that breastfeeding is like riding a bike. It is a skill that both mom and baby need to learn together, not something you just innately know how to do on your own, but I did not internalize this valuable insight at the time.
Instead I just worried. When Heather and my husband went home for the night on the day Malcolm was born I felt scared and alone even though I was breastfeeding (with some success) using a nipple shield. The nurses, (though just doing their job) kept asking me when did I feed Malcolm? And for how long? And how many wet diapers? Despite having no problems with supply (as I would later discover) I still worried he wasn’t getting enough nutrition.
One nurse in the hospital completely undermined what little confidence Heather helped me develop. It was the middle in the night and Malcolm was sleeping by my bed in the little clear bassinet that I nicknamed “the crisper.”
This nurse asked me the usual questions. How long had he been asleep? When did I feed him last? When I told her, she pretty much made me feel like I was starving my child and if I didn’t supplement with formula he would “get worse and worse”. Bursting into tears I agreed to let her give him the formula. She took him from the room to feed him and I was left alone feeling like a failure.
I am not sure how long she was gone but when she came back she announced that Malcolm had not taken hardly any of the bottle and maybe he was not hungry after all. I may have told her to go away and leave me alone. She did not come in again that night.
The next morning I called Heather in tears and she came to the hospital right away. I’m not sure what she said to the nurses but I do know that they didn’t press me as hard as before. Once I got home I felt better, but a lack of confidence permeated my whole breastfeeding experience. I breastfed Malcolm for five months and I used that stupid shield the whole time. I never believed in myself enough to try and nurse without it.
At the time, I also viewed breastfeeding as a limit on my freedom. While my other friends were socializing and drinking alcohol on my patio, I was alone, nursing Malcolm in his room. While I was educated about feeding on demand, I hesitated to nurse Malcolm if he had just recently fed, even if he still seemed hungry because my mom (although she meant well) insisted Malcolm should be fed on a schedule.
With my second child, everything was different. It’s been 10 months since the birth of Miles and I am still breastfeeding. Instead of listening to everyone else, I made a conscious decision to listen to myself. I trusted that my body was designed to feed my baby and as a result both he and I are thriving.
With confidence and experience on my side I was able to tell the formula-friendly hospital nurses that no, my baby was fine, not starving and to please just let me feed him when he is hungry.
With support from “the breastfeeding lady” at the health unit and my midwife, I was able to ditch the shield after a week or two and nurse Miles skin-to skin on demand with out second thoughts.
I while was discreet when I felt it necessary, I rarely nursed Miles in isolation and as a result I no longer viewed breastfeeding as limit on my freedom but part of my freedom. No washing bottles at night! No buying expensive formula all the time! I met my breastfeeding goal, then I surpassed it.
Sure I was tired and frustrated! Yes there were times when I craved a bit of space from my little one! Overall though, my priorities had changed. I no longer felt like I was missing the party because enjoying the bond I have developed with my children though breastfeeding is the party and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
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